Staff editor

Anyone that may have seen my act more than once knows of my staggering dearth of new material. Just not that easy to come up with new stuff. So in my search for new jokes, i think i’m going to have to take up the standing offer that i and all comedians get from people all the time. “just come down to where i work and you’ll get a whole lot of new material”. So finally i had to take someone’s offer. My friend dave works in a restaurant and there is this dishwasher who speaks very little english. It’s hard to understand what he is saying, but boy is it funny. There’s this waiter named steve and he has sex with lots of big women. whatta character. and i saw the boss yelling at someone he’s such a jerk. After observing all this craziness the material just wrote itself. I can’t wait to get on stage at my new regular friday night show on the south side slopes (corner cafe 2500 s. 18th st) and tell everyone about their crazy antics. If you know of anybody else that works with a lot of characters, please let me know so i can go hang out at their place of employment all day. or i could just do like robin williams, dane cook, and carlos mencia do and go to my own place of employment and get “new” material there. I just wouldn’t feel good about myself for doing that. Not that i feel good about myself anyway, no need to make it worse. See its tough to try to be funny.

The roast of Merril Hoge brought me one of the odd highlights of my career. The roast is great because a loser like myself is able to skewer a fine upstanding successful member of society and get awawy with it. Mike Ditka all-pro, hall of fame, superbowl champion arrived on a first class flight and stayed at the luxurious william penn hotel. I took the T and went home to my rented duplex in brentwood. which is an indian word for “caucasian party.” But anyway, despite our socio-economic differences I was able to make fun of him to the point where Mike Ditka gave me the finger. My parents must be proud. Sometimes there is the misconception that because i occasionally appear on the radio that I must be doing okay. Just to let you in on the depth of my financial history I offer you this absolutely true and almost unbelieveable statistic. In thirty seven years on this planet. I have never once had a check in my hand with my name on it that consisted of four digits. No comedy, local tv, radio appearance or even string of appearances has garnered me a check of a thousand dollars. I’ve worked overtime for two weeks at certain restaurants and have never cleared the 4 digit hurdle. No tax return, loan check, personal check, no settlements nothing. I’ve never had to deal with the question. What would I do with a thousand dollars? i honestly don’t know. I guess asking Ditka for it is out of the question.

Some people like to set big goals for themselves, I however like to set small ones. I’m not as disappointed if they don’t come true. I’ve only had four goals set in my life. One was to drink an entire case of beer in one day. That was checked off the list on March 12, 1997. I always wanted to be on the radio for less money than the producers of the Amos and Andy show made in 1939. I’m currently living that dream. I’ve always wanted to have my own blog that I would update every six weeks. In thirty seven years on this planet, I have managed to meet those high standards. My fourth and final one is to be involved in a roast, That comes true on April 30th. The roast for former Steeler running back Merril Hoge, a guy I’ve never met completes my dream life. I get to roast Hall of famer Mike Ditka as well as Billy Elmer. Who in my opinion may be the funniest stand up I’ve ever seen. Who would have thought that a guy who grew up in central Pennsylvania would one day make it all the way to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I want to thank the legendary Jimmy Krenn for making two of my dreams come true. Actually 3, he bought me the case of beer also. One more note of thanks to Lauren Jacobs of Olrando for setting up my fan page on facebook. Now its time for me to start setting newer and smaller goals.

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